Why Is Marriage So Hard

I’ll say it….out loud and with no shame.  Sometimes marriage sucks!

Growing up I think we all have this idea of what marriage will be like.  We will fall in love with this person, want to spend every moment with them, laugh and never have a cross word.  It takes about two weeks after the wedding to enter the real world of marriage.

My marriage is a little unique as my husband is a soldier in the US Army.  This means he works odd hours and is away from home for extended periods of time.  It also makes it difficult to make long term plans as the Army comes first and 9 times out of 10 he will have to work at those exact times and plans will have to be changed.

We are also in the process of adopting a thirteen year old from the foster care system.  Just by nature of coming from the foster care system, she is special needs.  This of course is above and beyond the other special needs she has and that we all deal with on a daily basis.

So communication is extremely important.  Every day, my husband and I try to set aside a few minutes to talk about anything that happened in the day so that we are both aware of everything and no one feels left out.  We have discovered that feeling left out often leads to hurt feelings or anger.

He and I also know that we have different strengths in this marriage.  It took some time for us to settle into our roles and during that adjustment time there were many fights and disagreements.  Things run so smooth now though, now that we realize that our individual weaknesses do not make us less than….they actually add strength to our relationship.

When it comes to child-related issues, my husband and I try to work as a team.  This doesn’t always work but we try our best.  Baby Girl doesn’t always like this as she thinks that she and I should be allowed to keep secrets from Hubs.  Now some things do stay between us.  He does not want to know or does not need to know about some of those girl/hormone/puberty topics.  But she lives with the fear that no matter the topic he will be angry with her.  Sometimes he is.  But she needs to understand that although the topic may be tough, sometimes you have to face things and then move to the other side.  And that even if someone is upset with you, that’s OK.  Talk it through and bad feelings subside pretty quick if you let them.

Please don’t take this as a blue print to a happy marriage.  Every relationship is different.  Every person is different.  Every household is different.  These things work for us and have gotten us to almost nine years of marriage.  Sit down and take a look at YOUR relationship, see what has worked and what has not.  Marriage takes work and should not be entered into lightly.  On the flip side, marriage takes work and should not be thrown away easily.

I love my husband and I cannot imagine my life without him.  I hope each and every one of you find that same relationship.

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