This week has been a struggle for me. I started this fitness program and had high hopes for the outcome. I have worked hard for six weeks, going to the gym 3-4 times a week and cleaning up my eating. I gave up sodas, fast food, cheese and chocolate. For anyone who knows me, cheese and chocolate are food groups in my book so giving them up has been the hardest part of this whole thing.
We have weigh-ins once a week and up until this week I had done well. I actually gained a few pounds at my last weigh-in and struggled to find out exactly what that meant. Even though I didn’t have an official weigh-in today, curiosity got the better of me and I jumped on the scale. I gained another pound. Really?!
Today’s work out was not the typical Saturday class. It was Boot Camp Saturday. Whoo Hoo! Anyway, we started off with a mile run/walk, then 100 push ups, 150 squats, 150 TRX type pull ups and then another mile run/walk. Don’t get me wrong, I am so proud of myself. Six weeks ago I could not do half of that, not even close. I know I have worked hard. I know I am making gains so why do I feel like a failure?
Is it because I was supposed to lose 25 pounds and I have only lost 10? Is it because I have only lost 4% body fat when I had hoped to lose 6%? Why can’t I be happy with what I accomplished and not be sad about what I didn’t? What part of my personality keeps me from feeling good about myself?
I have a lot of work to do on myself. Mentally as well as physically. I need to convince myself that I am worth the good thoughts. I deserve good things. And you know what? I will have good things.